Why Monks Are Boring or The Affect of the Ego

It recently occurred to me that many personality traits stem straight from ego wounds. Someone calls you “stupid” so you develop “the intellectual” aspect, reading everything you can get your hands on. Someone calls you “weak” and suddenly the “workout” guy appears desperate to tone his muscles and build his strength.

When I was little and my mom constantly talked about wanting to die, I developed “manic, sarcastic” girl, who took nothing seriously, in order to defend myself. The downside of “manic, sarcastic” girl was that she pissed a lot of people off with her unedited sharp tongue and outspokenness. Also, she tended to get a lot of driving tickets.

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In case you think affirmations don’t work…

Once an affirmation is stated, the universe quickly conspires to fulfill it. Whether you ask to be “beautiful, bountiful and blissful” or “to have more money or peace in your life”, as soon as you make the request, changes start to occur.

The reason that many people believe affirmations don’t work is that in order to get to the frequency of “bliss” or “peace” or “more money”, oftentimes we must clear a bunch of crap in our bodies and heads and spirits in order to feel it.

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How much pleasure can you handle?

At what point while having fun or indulging yourself does your body rebel and “punish” you? Today, I was having a joyful day of meditating in the morning, walking my dogs, researching my latest writing project, reading ‘A Course in Miracles’ in the bathtub, getting an hour foot massage (for $25) and delighting in a chocolate croissant and refresh tea when – I stubbed my toe. That was my maximum. It was about 10 hours of pleasure. That’s pretty good. But then my ego said…I can’t take it. We’re not used to this much goodness and ease and peace. I must intervene. I must reel it back. So…ouch!

Of course, I worked my magic on my foot and it was fine in no time, but it reminded me of the ego’s thermostat for joy and pleasure and my determination to break it. As children our bodies build an internal monitor of pleasure and pain. The ego is trying to keep us safe at all times so it adjusts to the level of crazy we were raised with. Then, everything you try to do above (or below) that level gets the rubberband effect. We naturally readjust to what we are used to. This is one of the reasons it is challenging to break an unhealthy pattern. It is almost as if our body tells us to take our negative medicine to keep everything as is.

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Can you feel your magnificence today?

  • Can you feel your magnificence today?
  • Can you feel yourself light up the room?
  • Can you feel the joy you radiate to others with your smile?
  • Can you feel the infinite nature of your goodness?
  • Can you acknowledge your greatness?
  • Can you allow your divinity?
  • Can you open your heart to deeper knowledge of your goodness? Your loving?
  • Can you let go of being small?
  • Can you let go of being smart?
  • Can you let go of being right?
  • Can you let go of needing someone else to acknowledge you for you?
  • Can you feel your infinite value?
  • Can you feel your delicious vibration?
  • Can you allow your highest self and glow with the love of another?
  • Can you let compassion fill your heart where you are angry or confused?
  • Can you let your imagination take you to paradise on earth? A playground surrounded by rainbows protected by angels. With pungent blossoming flowers.
  • Can you receive energy into your body from the sun? Can you bring the sun into your heart to light you up and radiate your goodness?
  • Can you bask in the ease of doing nothing but being whole? Can you allow everything that you are? Can you relax and trust that you are taken care of?
  • Can you feel your essence strong like a diamond reflecting, reflecting, and reflecting light to all that you meet?
  • Can you feel your heart like the thousand petalled lotus opening in joy. In beauty.
  • Can you let go of judging others? Of judging yourself? Let go of limits. Experience your full radiance?
  • Can you forgive yourself when you do judge?
  • Can you feel courage and strength within yourself?
  • Can you allow life to be more fun, blissful, more joyful and pleasurable? Can you allow that you’re on your perfect path. Correcting when you need to.
  • Can you allow yourself to enjoy your life’s journey?
  • Can you allow yourself to enjoy your transformation?
  • Can you be kinder to yourself today?
  • Can you melt with compassion for all that you’ve been through and know that every other being has been through something too?
  • Can you allow everything to be okay? Or something greater than yourself to work it out? Letting go of what no longer serves you. Opening up to feeling the love that is your nature. Wrapping yourself in arms that love you. Nourishing yourself from the sun, the air, the earth, the ether, all the days of your life.
  • May you feel surrounded by angels, delight in your own divinity, and reveal your true nature to all that you meet. Sat nam.


“Renounce! Renounce!” I screamed at the witch who had just tumbled from her broom. She was huddled on the floor shaking to her bones. The cathedral shook with the frenzied shouts I’d stirred up: “Renounce!” If this one witch denied everything she held true, I knew the rest of us would be saved. “Renounce! Renounce!” I coaxed the crowd. Time was running out. If she didn’t renounce soon – the rest of us were done for. But she wouldn’t renounce. This terrified, ornery witch laid on the floor in despair and failure and clung to her beliefs. So, I bit the bullet. I took one for the team. I fell to the floor and renounced my truth, the groups beliefs, and shattering my identity — indeed destroyed my life…

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Selfish vs. Self-Loving

People assert that Americans are selfish. And that selfishness is wrong. But there is a basic misunderstanding between “selfishness” and being “self-loving.” Being self-loving is a prerequisite for authentically caring for another person. If self-love isn’t present, then the act of giving is forced and inauthentic. Further, it may even be a manipulation to get love or a “show” to prove love that is not felt.

Why is this? Because how can you care about someone else when you are subconsciously tending to your own wounded inner child who is screaming for attention?

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Pain, the Great Motivator

For many of us, pain is the great motivator for change. Pain swoops in and chastises us for working too hard or pain tells us we’re not in the correct line of work. Or pain shoots through our body and tells us to pay more attention to ourselves and our feelings. A painful divorce makes us look at the person we’ve become. A painful accident often slows us down so we can reexamine what we are doing with our lives. The pain of being alone can drive us to expand our hearts to connect with others. Pain is a very convincing foot soldier. It fights for us to align with ourselves body, mind and spirit.

But what if pain is not the Darth Vader, the devil, the evil we make it out to be, but merely stuck energy? We like our safe routines. Our guarantees. What we know.

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The crowd cheers. A warm sensation of success bubbles through you. Your body relaxes in acceptance of accomplishment. You feel honored. Like you made a difference. You changed lives and improved them.

I love the feeling of accomplishment. It really makes me want to accomplish something. Isn’t it that applause, that adulation, that feeling of accomplishment that drives us to rewrite the script one more time, to push our bodies to hold that yoga pose or create another art project for the kindergarten class.

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The Dark Night of The Soul

What is a Dark Night of the Soul?

It is that painful—ouch! transformative time where you have decided you want a better life and your body/mind/spirit have all aligned to help you get it. First, your body/mind/soul say “We have to kick out the dust.” In order to uplevel to the next frequency/level of consciousness – the one that is kinder, gentler, knowing it’s value, easily auspicious, intuitive, aligned – the body has to get rid of the negative energy holding it in place. It has to clear the thoughts, feelings and beliefs connected to the old way of being. Thus, ouch, everything boils up, you feel like you are taken under, you can feel like this is the end of everything, so that, yes, you surrender, ah! You let go of trying, you accept the inflow of support (spirit), you give up control and become the child of the universe.

Why do we need the breakdown? Well, we don’t all need it. We could make small progress on our spiritual path everyday. But sometimes we get too busy and wound around the survival instincts and we forget to uplevel. Yet we get that nudge that there is more – that we are more. So, our body forces us to wrestle our demons.

The demons are illusions sent to help you recover your innocence. The illusions can take the form of physical pain, emotional suffering, paranoid thoughts, unconscious anxiety. The important thing is to pay attention to what is happening to you. Feel your feelings. When we use alcohol or pot to repress these moments of discomfort, they double in potency. We are taught as children how to repress emotions, but we aren’t taught (unless we did acting) how to express and let go of these feelings.

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How Good Can It Get?

In moments of unmotived, blissful reflection, I find myself asking myself, “How good can you let this be?” Having overcome my personal dark nights of the soul and the majority of my trigger issues, I am relaxing into on-going periods of silence, beingness and neutrality. Yes, the colors look sharper and my awareness spreads into the details surrounding me. And the occasional negative thought will pop into my head as a reminder of where I came from. Then my neutral mind will cancel that thought or let it go or I will choose to refocus onto what I want and my life purpose without engaging with it. But for the most part, my heart and mind are just open and blank. When I need to do, I do, when I need to rest, I rest. No commotion, no self-argument, just ease and flow.

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