Connecting to Mother/Father Energy

Sun-treeMom and Pop. For a second, let’s drop our defending of our parents for a moment. Yes, we owe them our lives. They fed us and protected us and got us to this point. They created us. But just for this blog, let’s let go of being good sons and daughters and examine how we felt growing up.

As you may know, parents are a huge source of wounding when we are young – through no fault of their own. When we want or need something as children and we don’t get it, our ego protects us from that pain in the future by creating a wall. Now we pretend we don’t want that love, that attention – even when we really do. And we do weird things to get it.

When we were hurt at that tender age, we had feelings about it and not all of us got to express them. Some of us had to pretend we weren’t hurt or we weren’t mad to make sure our parents continued to take care of us.

This is what locks the wall in place. This is what creates our triggers. It is an unexpressed wound. This repressed pain expresses itself in us through triggers, self- sabotage, fear, anger, anxiety, illness, resistance etc.

Mother love is meant to allow us to feel bonded, connected, beloved. If we don’t have that energy growing up we can feel alone, left out, different, unloved. If we are not nourished enough with love, attention and affection, we often don’t know how to nourish ourselves. We don’t feel happy. We don’t know how to receive (cuz of the wall). We don’t allow ourselves the time to enjoy life and nurture ourselves with good food, good company, good exercises, and good spiritual practices.

Father energy is meant to make us feel supported, capable, able to believe in ourselves and proud of ourselves. When we don’t have enough father energy we don’t know our own value, we don’t make enough money, we don’t have that ironclad faith in our abilities to see us through the obstacles.

Breathwork can help discover our wounds. Then if we summon our inner mother or father to give us the love and attention we need, we can heal.

Bonding 101

w--B1alYaN9KsL_ZeWZdCq6IDBqDkQCfswpqIJCDXigAt the end of my last book “The Joy Experiment”, I was searching for a soulmate. The one. The person I could fall in love and spend my life with. Now I have the one. We married on December 14th, 2013 but we are still creating that soulmate relationship.

What I discovered (and you probably already knew) was that you don’t find a soul mate, you make one! Oh, I don’t mean you order it online or build it from leftover parts; I mean you create trust in a relationship, you kindle desire, you ask for forgiveness, you bring romance and offer a thousand gestures of love.

My next book will be about how I, a woman used to living alone and being single, CHANGED so I could be in a loving relationship. I call it “Bonding 101” because the lessons are so simple. But somehow I missed this class in school and in my life lessons. So I am learning it now with my very patient husband…How to share my heart, my food, my energy, my flaws, my voice, and my love with a good man.

40 Day Self-Love Meditation

Day 1 – Still trying to center myself after my last relationship, I am going to start 40 days of self-loving. From p. 127 of my book “The Joy Experiment”, I am going to look at a picture of myself as a child every night for 30 minutes and send myself love and affection. I’ll let you know the results. 🙂

Day 3 of my Self-Love Meditation: holding my inner child for 30 minutes for 40 days. The practice of giving and receiving love is creating an ecstatic feeling in my body. My inner child is loving my holding her hand and telling her how valuable and wonderful she is. I can feel the difference in being met in my cells. This is revelatory. I recommend it.

Day 4 of 40 Day Self-Love Meditation: My inner five year old began to relax and let go of some of her tension and fear. She told me about several misbeliefs that were worrying her and we replaced them with more supportive beliefs. It was very revelatory. I look forward to the patterns changing within myself as a result of the change in belief.

Day 6 of 40 day Self-Love Meditation: Very sweet. My compassionate loving strong self holds the part of me that has been hurt in the past filling me with a warm, safe feeling and deep relaxation.

Day 8 of 30 minute Self-Loving Meditation (where my higher self gives attention and affection to parts of me that need love). Today my inner infant was happy, my two year old was joyful, my three and four year olds wanted to have a party and invite everyone…it was the adult me that needed some attention and compassion. So, I spent time loving her.

Day 9 of my 40 day Self-Love Meditation (30 mins a day): I realize I can take these feelings of softening and affection into everything I do. I realize I feel grounded in my higher self. I realize more kind thoughts and compassionate feelings arise spontaneously for others as I deepen in love for myself.

Day 10 of 40 day Self-Love Meditation: took 10 minutes to connect to my higher self and had a slight resistance to the meditation. Once there, it felt right just to love my body. I spent 30 minutes gently appreciating all the parts of me – every limb, every muscle, every part. By the end, my body was vibrating with joy. A new kind of foreplay!

Day 11 of my 40 day Self-Love Meditation. My first attempt turned into a gestalt with my ankle (still healing) so I tried again later and experienced sweet delight as I loved my writing — my scripts, my book, my short stories. I needed that!

Day 12 of my 40 day Self-Love Meditation: I thought it would get lighter and easier the more time I spent loving myself. However, this morning the energy was dense. My subconscious wanted my love. So, I spent my time holding my inner subconscious. My shadow side — rhymes with ‘stitch’ or ‘glitch’ or ‘witch.’ Afterwards, I felt neutral, but heavy. There might be more in there to love. I did a kundalini set and that lifted my energy.

Day 13 of my 40 day Self-Love Meditation. While holding my sleeping infant self, I realized the underlying truth in the fairy tale Beauty and the Beast. The Beast is who we see when we look through the lens of our projections – the Beauty is who/what we see when we look with clarity and innocence — when we see the truth of who someone is.

Day 14 of my 40 Day Self-Love Meditation. I am sleeping more deeply. It’s cool.

Day 15 of 40 day Self-Love Meditation. My mind wanders to people I would like to send love to. I send them love and then gently come back to loving myself. I add on a few more minutes to the meditation to make up. Maybe the next 40 days I’ll do a Loving Others Meditation for half hour a day. (I know at heart level we are all one.)

Day 16 of my 40 day Self-Love Meditation. Today I broke the rules (again). I felt like being held by something greater than myself so instead of sending love to an aspect of myself or my inner child at different ages, I let myself be cradled by the universe: held, loved and supported by the energy of love. Later I spontaneous sprinkled rose blossoms across my walkway.

Day 17 of my 40 day Self-Love Meditation (30 minutes of sending light and love to myself). Today I made it past age five up to my teen years. I remembered a few things that I needed to forgive myself for and set free. As they say in Ho’oponopono, “I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.

Day 18 of my 40 day Self-Love Meditation: seeing major shifts in my life and energy. Today’s meditation brought many fruits of creativity. Oh joy, more beautiful ideas to co-create and produce!

Day 19 of my 40 Day Self-Love Meditation: I found teenage parts of me that felt guilty about my sexuality. I reassured them that all was forgiven and that they did nothing wrong. My body leapt with joy at having let go of those misunderstandings. Now my actions and responses can come from love and not shame or guilt. Yay!

Day 20 of my 40 day Self-Love Meditation. It changes everyday. Today I felt to give love to specific body parts by touching them with my hands. I also found myself breathing circularly – up the spine, down the front – rejuvenating the organs (through visualizing the breath and energy this way.) My body sparkled with attention.

Day 21 of my 40 day Self-Love Meditation (30 minutes of love a day): I find that the practice of loving and comforting myself has strengthened my compassion so as soon as I am triggered, my compassion moves in to soothe me, like flexing a well toned muscle.

Day 22 of my 40 day Self-Love Meditation. I can see and feel the changes. My outer life is reflecting them. Today I needed to clear some sorrow around giving and receiving ecstatic, deep and blissful loving. Watch out world, I’ve got some mighty love to give!

Day 23 of my 40 day Self-Love Meditation. The love is sinking in. All the parts of me feel wrapped in warmth and affection. The challenge now is to be comfortable with this level of love, enjoyment and nurturing on a consistent basis. Let the delicious vibration be my natural state of being.

Day 24 of 40 of my Self-Love Meditation (30 minutes of hugging, loving and holding myself from my book The Joy Experiment). Slight progress backlash from my ecstatic state yesterday.

Day 26 of my 40 day Self-Love Meditation (30 mins a day). Was playing with my dogs before the meditation and that helped to connect me to my loving, higher self. So, I entered the meditation loving and playful. I did loving affirmations on what I love about myself. I sent love to parts of my body. I thought about how self love could revolutionize our society by creating a new american dream. (I feel a blog coming on!)

Day 28 of my 40 day Self-Love Meditation: I realize that self-love can be part of any action – going to the bathroom, driving in traffic, doing the dishes. One only needs the attention/intention to include it.

Day 29 of my 40 day Self-Love Meditation (gazing at, loving and holding my inner child). Today I felt a vulnerable transition from the aspect who gives love to the inner being who receives it. I spent much of the time receiving being adored, receiving being lovable, receiving being valuable. I had to let go of all beliefs to the contrary. Slightly uncomfortable, at moments joyous.

Day 30 of my 40 day Self-Love Meditation (The Joy Experiment, p. 137). Woke up in (rare) bad mood. Did breathwork and kundalini to release anger/negativity. Just did self-love meditation – hard to stay awake. It’s a process.

Day 31 of my 40 day Self-Love Meditation. Today my awareness was on being magnificent. I praised myself several times. You are amazing. You are magnificent. I know many people think this is an ego based thought, but it actually connects one to their highest state of being. If I am amazing and magnificent think of how much more I can contribute to the world. Can you glimpse your own magnificence?

Day 32 of my 40 day Self-Love Meditation (30 mins a day of love, affection and attention) on all aspects of me! Today took a little warming up and clearing. Once in a state of loving, the loving was sweet, warm and compassionate. Really needed. Felt safe, held, listened to and loved.

Day 33 of 40 Day Self-Love Meditation. Woke up feeling warm, loving and held by God. Thought my self-love meditation might be redundant with how full I was feeling. Did my practice and found plenty to love and nurture within myself. Then I sent some of the overflow of positive energy out to a part of the world that seemed to need it — ♥

Day 34 of my 40 day Self-Love meditation. Today my loving went from infancy to teenager and all the darling, sweet ages in between. I also sent love to my scripts and was loved by my lovely, radiant future self. I’m thinking I might extend the meditation practice longer than 40 days..maybe 90!

Day 35 of my 40 day Self-Love Meditation. Today I visualized opening to love and received from the universe. On the inhale, I imagined love coming into my cells and organs on the exhale I let go of anything I no longer needed. Very uplifting and clearing.

Day 36 of my 40 day Self-Love meditation: I spent time loving that part of me that feels challenged in relationships. She appreciated it and I could feel her melting and letting in my love. I also identified and cleared some self-doubt and strengthened my belief in my ability to succeed. All in a half-hour!

Day 37 of my 40 Day Self-Love Meditation. As I loved myself today, I gave value to my being and my body vibrated with joy.

Day 38 of my 40 Day Self-Love Meditation: today I focused on loving the infant self – telling her she was safe and well cared for. Simultaneously, I relaxed into the bed, receiving the love and support from mother earth and my (visualized) parents. It felt very warm and comforting. I felt received and valued.

Day 39 of my 40 Day Self-Love Meditation: I am amazing. I am wonderful. I am thoughtful and caring. I am beautiful. I am sweet and wonderful. I am.

Day 40 of my 40 day Self-Love Meditation. Anti-climatic. Distracted. Loved the part of me that doesn’t want to be alone. Loved the part of me that doesn’t know how to accept others as they are. Loved the part of me that judges me for not being able to accept people in my intimate relationships as they are. I’ve made such strides and found so much more to love, I am probably going to extend to 90 days.

Easy Ways to Clear Negativity

Negative thinking and feelings get us down. They create anxiety and irritation if we try to repress them. They can also be a burden to others if we keep talking about them. (Plus, talking about them usually just causes them to repeat whereas clearing them allows them to go away.)

Here are several methods to clear the negative energy, thoughts, and feelings so you can enjoy your life, be productive and attract good things to yourself.

 

1. Ho’oponopono.

This Hawaiian method of releasing negative energy consists of simple sentences that can clear a person, place or thing. Simply focus on the object that needs clearing (maybe your mind or a co-worker or the traffic) and say “I love you, I’m sorry, Please forgive me, thank you.”

2. Forgiveness.

Judgments bring us down! You can feel their weight in your body (if you didn’t already reach for sugar to alleviate them). If you can identify the judgment (“I judged my boyfriend as focusing on the negative.”), then you can forgive and clear the judgment, “I forgive myself for judging my boyfriend for focusing on the negative.”  Remember you are only responsible for yourself.

3. Breathwork.

An easy three-part breath into your stomach, into your chest and out all through your mouth, can clear the darkest of feelings. To be guided through this check out my breath meditations: self-esteem, self-forgiveness or self-love at www.joyinfinite.com. I also have free breath meditations available when you sign up for the newsletter.

4. Clearing Anger from Yoga West:

Breath of Fire is a powerful and rapid method of building strong nerves. Practice it every day. Breathe only through your left nostril for twenty-six long, slow, deep breaths to calm yourself down in any tense situation. If you feel the heat of anger rising inside you, drink a full 8-ounces of water immediately. From Kundalini Yoga: The Flow of Eternal Power by Shakti Parwha Kaur Khalsa, available in the Yoga West store.

5. Process Fear with Inelia Benz (www.ascension101.com)

“You can do this exercise at any time, whenever you feel fear.

 For best results, it is best to do it in a quiet and private space and working through a list of fears you have written beforehand. 

Sit or lie down comfortably with your back straight and close your eyes.

 Breathe in deeply and slowly into your abdomen, then breathe out as fast as you can.
 Repeat, breathe in slowly, then out as fast as you can.
 And once more, breathe in slowly and slowly, then out fast.
 Now continue breathing at your own pace.


 Scan you physical body from head to toe, to find the energy of fear.  

Look for fear.  If you cannot find it, read one of your fear items in your list and scan your body again.

 Once you find fear in your body, simply look at it.
Don’t analyze it, just look at it.
 Allow it to be there.
 Allow it to exist. 
Allow it to grow and to be.

 It could be a physical discomfort, such as a knot, a pain, a location of energy, or through a thought or memory, or it could be just the emotion of fear.

Just look at it. 

Observe it.

 Feel it. 

Allow it to be here. 

And say, “fear, you are welcome here.”

 Welcome here.

 Welcome fear and allow it to grow.

 Let it get bigger and bigger.

 Allow it to grow, and grow… as big as it can go

. Let it be as big as it can possibly get.

 Allow it to express itself to you. 

But don’t analyze.

 Simply allow whatever comes.

 Whether words, 

thoughts,

 memories,

 Follow it if it changes into another emotion,
 or changes locations in your body.

 Whatever it does, welcome the new expression.  “you are welcome here, thought… you are welcome here emotion, words, memories, you are welcome here fear.”

 You are welcome here.

 Watch it. Observe it. 

Now, allow yourself to get closer and embrace fear in whatever expression it has chosen.

 give it light and love, and allow it to exist. 

Thank it for whatever job it had for you, for being with you for so long. 

Now, release it into Oneness.  Allow it to go free back into Source.

 Breathe deeply now.
 As you breathe in, breathe in light and love.  And as you breathe out, allow that light and love to go to and fill the space where fear used to be.  

Now, simply breathe deeply and slowly.
 Breathing in light and love, and as you breathe out, allow that light and love to expand throughout your body and out into your environment.

 Now, scan your body from your toes to your head and see if there is any of that fear left.  If so, repeat the exercise straight away. If not, you can use your list to repeat the exercise, or end now by opening your eyes and having a good stretch.


 Repeat this exercise every day until there is no more fear in your life.”

http://ascension101.com/en/fear-processing-excercise.html

Benefits of Self-Love

As I do 30 minutes of Self Loving a day for 40 days, many benefits have come to my attention. I know some people believe that self-love is selfish or self-centered, but I believe there is nothing a person can do to make them a better person. I am on day 14 of 40 days and here are my discoveries:

1. Loving myself allows me to be filled with warm, loving energy so I don’t need to use a substitutes like alcohol, sex or croissants to feel this warm, happy and dreamy.

2. Loving myself makes it easier to take better care of myself: eating nourishing foods, drinking lots of water, doing my yoga.

3. Loving myself deeply gives me greater understanding and compassion for others.

4. Loving myself gives me permission to be true to me rather than cave to pressure.

5. Loving myself makes me less dependent on others for attention and acknowledge. So, any attention/acknowledgement I get is a like a sweet unexpected gift.

6. Loving myself helps to bring up the parts of me that need loving and once acknowledged, that energy can be cleared, released and reused to support me.

7. Loving myself and seeing the beauty within helps me see more beauty without.

8. Loving myself, I am strengthened in my ability to love and connected to my higher self who is unconditionally loving.

9. Loving myself acknowledges my true value which is connection to spirit and not what I have accomplished or what I own.

10. Loving myself includes loving all the parts of my body. This makes my body feel alive and vibrant. It also allows me to feel safer so that when I sleep, I can deeply relax and let go.

11. Spending this time loving myself, I find I am attracting people who treat me in a gentle, loving manner.

12. Spending time loving myself, I can uplift others with my joy rather than bring them down with complaints or worries.

My self loving changes everyday. I began with sending loving energy to pictures of myself as a child. Then I moved into holding myself — hugging a pillow– and imagining loving myself at different ages. I also have imagined myself at low points in my life and sent light and love there. I hold and love myself until I see myself either happy, dancing or sleeping. I’ve also spent a few sessions loving my body which means sending light and love to each body part including my fat. (I love my fat!) My body lit up with the attention. For more guidance on self-loving please check out my Self-Love meditation on this website.

Are you in Your Body?

“We’re all sensitive people” according to Marvin Gaye.  We are actually so sensitive that if we get hurt as children, we “disassociate” from our bodies to relieve the pain. On an energetic level, part of us takes off for the mountains, travels into space, takes off to La La land. Literally.

This results in things like “spacing out”, “being in your head”, “forgetting things” and “tripping over nothing.” I did horribly in school because I wasn’t really there. I was voted most likely to “trip over nothing” even though I was a talented dancer. Part of me was being protected by being far away from my body. This is also why some people seem cold, distant and unfeeling – the feeling part of them took a vacation.

When I departed from my body at a very young age, it was to protect myself from desperate, emotional, wrenching pain. It served its purpose.

When I was not in my body, I couldn’t feel. I could not experience life. I could not bond to others or see the value of life. Life can be incredible. It can be wonderous and joyful all day long. Food can taste amazing, making love can be fulfilling, the touch of the wind can be as caring as a mother’s hug – I discovered once I became present to feel it.

Also, when I was not in my body, it was really hard to manifest things on a physical plane. People had a hard time hearing me, seeing me and trusting me. My words didn’t hold the normal weight because I was not really there backing them. (I sometimes felt I had to scream before I could be heard.) When I was in the writer’s room on Dresden Files (for the Syfy channel), a friend of mine had to repeat my pitches before the other guys in the room could  appreciate them. Thanks Curtis.

Your soul wants to be in your body, so it does everything it can to get you back in there, including chronic pain. Your soul says, “If you won’t pay attention to the physical world, I will force your attention onto it.” Thus I had chronic back pain for years, which took me to a non-force chiropractor who very slowly, patiently and lovingly taught me about my soul and its needs. Thanks Eileen.

Worse than all of these, when we are not in our bodies we can’t feel the elation of being loved, we can’t feel the connection to everyone and everything, we can’t feel the warmth and comfort of being home. So, we search for substitutes and this is where the addictions come in.

Alcohol relieves the anxiety. Heroin replaces the warm feeling of loving oneself. Ecstasy connects us to others and to physical feeling. On the softer side, overeating and smoking pot numb us and comfort us- temporarily. And sex addiction distracts the pain with temporary pleasure. But as we’ve all seen, these addictions only take us further out of our bodies, make us less present. They are the wrong solution to a unrecognized problem.

So, how do we get back into our bodies? First, you have to feel that it is safe to be in your body. You have to find a place where you feel safe. You have to have the courage to face your issues. Then, you’ve got to “feel your feelings.” They may be nasty at first, but eventually you get through the nasty bits to the delicious feelings – the natural euphoria.

The way I recovered this very young part of myself was layered. I was sick for two months – hello? My soul trying to get me to face the truth. Frustrated by what I considered a psycho-somatic illness, I did a magical gestalt session with a therapist and faced the truth of the trauma that sent me out of my body. A truth that most people would judge with disgust, but I was happy just to see what had happened. Next, I did a breath session in a natural hotsprings that was like a rebirth and viola, I got back a young, vulnerable, terrified part of myself I had to then nurture and reintegrate. Welcome home, self!

I know this sounds like a lot. You are probably wondering how to do your job, raise your kids and listen to your soul at the same time. I don’t have an answer for that. But I know that reintegration and listening to yourself is a daily process. Doing 7 minutes of breathing everyday can bring you into your body, even if you escape right after. (You can find different breath meditations on my website: www.joyinfinite.com/ or create a custom made meditation to fit your needs.)

Having all of me back is amazing. I can finally let go of my “man addiction” (oh that’s a whole other blog.) People can feel my energy when I walk into a room – heads turn before people even see me. They feel my presence. My truth is grounded in my body. I see colors more brightly and beauty in everyone. I am ecstatic in nature: the air, the dirt, the water…And making love with all of me feels like I’ve never made love before. My senses are alive and vibrating. I am washed with bliss and joy and gratitude. I cry tears of joy with the union.

Plus, people mistake me for being a decade younger than I am. Not bad for a year’s reintegration…

I know the path to full embodiment might seem long, but remember the benefits: being present, being in your heart, manifesting projects and products, being heard and seen and respected. Feeling ripples of joy, ease and pleasure without a hangover or extra body fat. Bliss is free and it is waiting in your body to be uncovered.

Once you make the subconscious conscious, you are free.

Victim vs. Villain

Victim vs. Villain

Having been raised by a super victim, I am nearly immune to the victim mentality and ways of the victim. Some victims are so attached to their story of pain that they will stick to their suffering, refuse help, refuse to let go and suffer, suffer, suffer.  They want everyone to know how hard they had it, how abused they were, how they were helpless to save themselves. (There is a difference between a true, innocent victim and a self-made victim, a martyr, I am referring to the latter.)

To the victim, this feels like reality. Everyone is out to get them. Their children hate them because they did such a poor parenting job. Their co-workers avoid them. Their friends betray them. It happens consistently so how could it not be true?

They are so hurt that they find outlets for their anger and pain. Anyone who will listen. They lash out at their perceived perpetrators without considering their own role in the current fiasco. They have to make things go wrong in their lives, to keep the negative feelings alive.

I am writing this because I was recently attacked by a victim who had been seething for a year over something I had done, but had never told me. She called me a “bitch” before I even heard that there was an issue, let alone what it was. It was tough to even have a conversation as she wouldn’t adhere to any ground rules to make opening up safe.

She accused me of excluding her from a series of events and said it was the most painful thing that ever happened to her. But she never once asked me to be included. She never told me she wanted to join in or gave me a heads up that she was hurt. Instead, playing the victim, she continued to get more and more upset that I hadn’t invited her. (And actually, I did invite her the first time, which she never responded to so I assumed she was busy.)

Having been told I was a “bad girl” at a young age and then proudly growing into that role, my inner child was not happy with this accusation. I had to let her cry and hold her and reassure her. Taking an higher perspective, I could see this person was too filled up with anger and was missing the basic ability to trust that would have allowed her to discuss the issue with me and resolve it.

In response, she accused me of “blaming” her for the issue. (I guess she didn’t read my “www.joyinfinite.com” newsletter header: “No shame. No blame. Just transformation.”) As I say in my breath meditations, blame isn’t going to help anything. Blame is just going to keep the trauma and reaction in place. The only thing one can do to resolve an issue is take responsibility. This doesn’t mean you are blaming yourself. It means you are taking control of your life, your feelings, your circumstances and making a change.

Until a victim owns their anger, they can’t trace it back to the triggering event. Until the victim owns their pain, they can’t set it free from within them. This is why victims get stuck. They are so full of toxic, negative energy that it chokes their vision and actions. They literally can’t imagine a solution because they are so clouded with feelings.

If victims want to stop being victimized they need to take responsibility for where they are physically, emotionally, mentally. They need to stop saying “That perpetrator made me this way.” Because guess what? That leaves the perpetrator in power. Probably the perpetrator doesn’t even want the role he’s been assigned.

For years, I bought into my mom’s stories about what a monster my father was. I was terrified of him. I hated to be with him. I cried when she made him take me to see “On Golden Pond” for my birthday.  Only when I turned 20 did I start to see the truth from the illusion. Yes, my dad was socially awkward, tough and not around when I was a kid. But he wasn’t a monster. (By the way, there is no blame for my mother when I say this. I know she had her own demons to contest with – just as I had mine.)

The problem with victims is that they need villains to cling to their story. Without the villain, they have no identity. So, you better believe if you are around a victim, you have a strong chance of becoming that dark, terrible person capable of unspeakable injustices.

But to this recent victim, I said ‘No.’ I said, “No, thank you. I’m not interested in your pain and hysteria.” I said I could recommend several healers who could help her deal with her pain. And had she approached me without kicking and screaming, I am sure I would have been able to help her as well.

All people need love. All people are entitled to love. All people deserve love and this victim (underneath her cursing) was calling out for love. But as my personal boundaries were not being respected I was unable to give her the love she needed verbally. (I did send light and blessings.)

But to the other people who struggle with a victim addiction out there — this is my suggestion: take responsibility for the role you are casting yourself in. Clear the pain and sorrow through scream therapy, innerchild work, kundalini yoga, my forgiveness meditation and then talk to me about wanting to join the party. The door is always open.

Yelling at an Acorn

I am a woman, but for several years I was mistaken for a man. I wore cut off jeans with black combat boots with my hair chopped into a crew cut. I worked non-stop, pushing myself with 9 cups of coffee a day, eating on the go and living paycheck to paycheck often bouncing checks after the paycheck disappeared.

Now I sleep in, I do yoga and meditate. I arrive at my computer refreshed and rejuvenated. I drink 1 cup of decaf in the morning and water for the rest of the day. The difference is that I no longer live in that crippling masculine world. I no longer stare at the acorn and yell at it to grow!

After years of being a workaholic and scorning feminine traits like softness, kindness, ease and grace, I burned out. I realized my life was tense and miserable. I needed balance. The feminine. I needed to learn to relax and let go, to stop trying so hard, to receive, to enjoy, and to beautify.

But after a lifetime of valuing the masculine, I was a tad at a loss. The transition was gradual for sure. I started with massages. Each massage brought me into my body, out of my head. I felt pampered, taken care of, attractive, even loved. I wanted more. I started taking baths. I lit a few candles. I played Sade. That felt good, so I went further.

I bought myself flowers. I wasn’t used to non-necessary expenses. I had to stretch outside my comfort zone. Then as I enjoyed the flowers everyday, I realized they did have a use…beauty. Enjoyment. Upliftment.

I stopped working day and night and began to spend my nights recuperating and having fun. Reaching out to people. Socializing. What a concept.

Next I practiced receiving: At the grocery store. On dates. Any possibility of help and support, I accepted. “Yes, please carry my bags out.” “Yes, please pay for lunch.” “Thank you for the complement. Very kind.”

I stopped “doing” all the time and started “being.” It was the strangest feeling at first. Who am I without a script to write?

Without a task to complete?

Without a goal?

Just existing.

Feeling my feelings,

Listening to my thoughts,

Enjoying my body.

And things started to come to me. Unexpected checks. Great ideas. An influx of energy. So that’s what the feminine feels like. Nurturing. Effortlessness. Caring. I took it further. Mixing the feminine into my masculine. I slept in in the morning luxuriating in bed, writing while tucked under the covers. I took my work to the side of a pool and wrote while lounging poolside. I took breaks during the day, walking in nature, and expressing gratitude to the universe for all the little joys in my life.

I reached balance. (Ok. Maybe I tipped over a little bit after so many years of hard labor.) But I am getting closer to balance. Doing- being- giving- receiving- acting- relaxing. And life is filled with beautiful gifts and miraculous surprises. And the acorn can grow all on it’s own because that’s what it is meant to do—to be – to be an oak tree.

 

 

Yoga and Sex Scandals: Not Mutually Inclusive

NY Times recently ran an article by William Broad called “Yoga and Sex Scandals: No Surprise Here.” It had shocking and ground-breaking news that yoga was derived from Tantra and that’s why yogis and their students get aroused and have scandalous affairs.

But guess what? Yoga isn’t what gets us turned on. Our biology gets us turned on. Naturally. For the perpetuation of the species. For the joy of living. Humans have sexual desires. Not just humans who do yoga.

What yoga does is clear the toxins we add to our bodies that dull our ability to feel. Yoga stimulates the glands to secrete properly. Yoga helps release the stress and tension that shut down our sexual drive. Yoga stimulates hormones that make us feel happy, which helps us to socialize with others which may allow a loving connection with another sexual human.

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The Trouble with Authority Issues

Here is one of those hard to break cycles in which the cause of the problem prevents the solution to it. Once a person has been abused by an authority it is very difficult for them to get over it because any person striving to help is deemed an authority and thus, untrustable.

Losing that first relationship of dependability and trust creates an angry person who refuses all help (cuz they don’t trust it will help) and so must “do everything on their own.” Not only that, but their distrust extends from the person who first broke trust to their boss, to their teachers, even to God.

“God didn’t protect me from this person who hurt me so I can’t trust God either.” This is a conundrum. The expectation of being let down or hurt leads to that reality. The chip on the shoulder from being hurt always makes others defensive as well. So, the person with authority issues will inevitably work for the unfair boss, will get pulled over by the condescending police officer and will spend hours on the phone trying to get a refund for $12.99.

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