Are you in Your Body?
“We’re all sensitive people” according to Marvin Gaye. We are actually so sensitive that if we get hurt as children, we “disassociate” from our bodies to relieve the pain. On an energetic level, part of us takes off for the mountains, travels into space, takes off to La La land. Literally.
This results in things like “spacing out”, “being in your head”, “forgetting things” and “tripping over nothing.” I did horribly in school because I wasn’t really there. I was voted most likely to “trip over nothing” even though I was a talented dancer. Part of me was being protected by being far away from my body. This is also why some people seem cold, distant and unfeeling – the feeling part of them took a vacation.
When I departed from my body at a very young age, it was to protect myself from desperate, emotional, wrenching pain. It served its purpose.
When I was not in my body, I couldn’t feel. I could not experience life. I could not bond to others or see the value of life. Life can be incredible. It can be wonderous and joyful all day long. Food can taste amazing, making love can be fulfilling, the touch of the wind can be as caring as a mother’s hug – I discovered once I became present to feel it.
Also, when I was not in my body, it was really hard to manifest things on a physical plane. People had a hard time hearing me, seeing me and trusting me. My words didn’t hold the normal weight because I was not really there backing them. (I sometimes felt I had to scream before I could be heard.) When I was in the writer’s room on Dresden Files (for the Syfy channel), a friend of mine had to repeat my pitches before the other guys in the room could appreciate them. Thanks Curtis.
Your soul wants to be in your body, so it does everything it can to get you back in there, including chronic pain. Your soul says, “If you won’t pay attention to the physical world, I will force your attention onto it.” Thus I had chronic back pain for years, which took me to a non-force chiropractor who very slowly, patiently and lovingly taught me about my soul and its needs. Thanks Eileen.
Worse than all of these, when we are not in our bodies we can’t feel the elation of being loved, we can’t feel the connection to everyone and everything, we can’t feel the warmth and comfort of being home. So, we search for substitutes and this is where the addictions come in.
Alcohol relieves the anxiety. Heroin replaces the warm feeling of loving oneself. Ecstasy connects us to others and to physical feeling. On the softer side, overeating and smoking pot numb us and comfort us- temporarily. And sex addiction distracts the pain with temporary pleasure. But as we’ve all seen, these addictions only take us further out of our bodies, make us less present. They are the wrong solution to a unrecognized problem.
So, how do we get back into our bodies? First, you have to feel that it is safe to be in your body. You have to find a place where you feel safe. You have to have the courage to face your issues. Then, you’ve got to “feel your feelings.” They may be nasty at first, but eventually you get through the nasty bits to the delicious feelings – the natural euphoria.
The way I recovered this very young part of myself was layered. I was sick for two months – hello? My soul trying to get me to face the truth. Frustrated by what I considered a psycho-somatic illness, I did a magical gestalt session with a therapist and faced the truth of the trauma that sent me out of my body. A truth that most people would judge with disgust, but I was happy just to see what had happened. Next, I did a breath session in a natural hotsprings that was like a rebirth and viola, I got back a young, vulnerable, terrified part of myself I had to then nurture and reintegrate. Welcome home, self!
I know this sounds like a lot. You are probably wondering how to do your job, raise your kids and listen to your soul at the same time. I don’t have an answer for that. But I know that reintegration and listening to yourself is a daily process. Doing 7 minutes of breathing everyday can bring you into your body, even if you escape right after. (You can find different breath meditations on my website: www.joyinfinite.com/ or create a custom made meditation to fit your needs.)
Having all of me back is amazing. I can finally let go of my “man addiction” (oh that’s a whole other blog.) People can feel my energy when I walk into a room – heads turn before people even see me. They feel my presence. My truth is grounded in my body. I see colors more brightly and beauty in everyone. I am ecstatic in nature: the air, the dirt, the water…And making love with all of me feels like I’ve never made love before. My senses are alive and vibrating. I am washed with bliss and joy and gratitude. I cry tears of joy with the union.
Plus, people mistake me for being a decade younger than I am. Not bad for a year’s reintegration…
I know the path to full embodiment might seem long, but remember the benefits: being present, being in your heart, manifesting projects and products, being heard and seen and respected. Feeling ripples of joy, ease and pleasure without a hangover or extra body fat. Bliss is free and it is waiting in your body to be uncovered.
Once you make the subconscious conscious, you are free.